Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Positive Adoption Language

The way we talk about adoption, including the words we choose, are extremely important. During our adoption class we learned about positive adoption words and we wanted to share them with all of you.

Positive Language Negative Language
Birthparent Real parent
Biological parent Natural parent
Birth child Own Child
My childAdopted child
Born to unmarried parents Illegitimate
Terminate parental rights Give up
Make an adoption plan Give away
To parentAdoptable child
Making contact withReunion
Parent Adoptive parent
Permission to sign a releaseDisclosure
Search Track down parents
Child placed for adoptionUnwanted child
Court terminationChild taken away
Was adopted Is adopted

Positive language is so important for setting the stage for everyone, including children, parents, relatives, etc. This is just a short list of positive words to choose when talking with anyone about adoption.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

10 Is My Lucky Number

10 is really, no seriously, one of my lucky numbers, I am not just making it up. Okay, since that is off my chest, October 10, 2010 (10-10-10) we will be parents - unless of course the little one comes early or late. By the way the "little one" is a she.

Yesterday was intense, amazing and so surreal. We drove up to Washington and met with momma A (which I will fondly call the birth mom from here on out). She is a strong and wonderful woman who has a beautiful soul. Yes, I was that moved by the experience and introductions. We already feel so blessed to have her in our lives and our family.

Our meeting was scheduled to be a lunch meeting, a couple of hours of getting to know each other, however, we didn't leave Washington until 8 pm! We just kept talking, laughing, smiling and genuinely enjoying each others company. As we were driving away, momma A and I traded texts and smiley icons. Already we are planning our next trip to Washington to spend more time before the baby girl arrives.

Honestly, the few moments before the meeting were extremely nerve racking...would she like us? Would we be cool enough for her? Would she like the gift we brought? Should we hug her or shake her hand? Plus hundreds of other questions that went through our heads. While the first few moments were understandably awkward, we all got through them, together and spent 8 hours ignoring the first few awkward moments and establishing a really strong relationship.

Together - this is the key word for the rest of our lives. By the end of the day we ate lunch together, walked in the park together, drank coffee together, laughed at a squirrel together, combed through antique and thrift stores together, ate dinner together, smelled roses together, took pictures together and had an unbelievable first meeting together.

The day ended with momma A sharing something so special with us - she left us with the ultrasound pics of her baby. She knew they would be as important and special to us as they are to her. I am in awe of momma A.

P.S. Garage Sale update. The Adoption Benefit Garage Sale in Eugene, OR is THIS WEEKEND! More than 12 families have donated great items for the sale and you don't want to miss it! Stop by if you are in the neighborhood. In addition, garage sale in the Twin Cities location is happening this weekend! Email me if you want more details about that one.

Thursday, July 8, 2010


Well, we haven't posted in a while not because there isn't a lot going on, but because there is so much going on. We have been on an intense rollercoaster, the kind that starts out with the corkscrew turns. We are now heading up the tracks and have no idea what is after that.

Here is the story. Last Friday we received an email that the agency would like to show our profile to a birth mom sometime this week. We said yes. Later that same evening, we received an email that our agency would like to show our profile to a birth mom that just gave birth to a preemie. We said yes. Sunday we found out the birth mom of the preemie chose another family.

Wednesday our profile was shown to the other birth mom and we were waiting to hear back if she chose us. However, today, we received a call from our agency and found out a birth mom that we didn't even was looking at our profile chose us! Yes, that is right folks she chose us.

Before you all get too excited - I know it is just too hard to contain - I want to clarify. Yes, she chose us as the couple she wants to proceed with and meet, but there is a possibility that she may change her mind and decide to parent her child. There is always that realm of possibility. It is her right and we need to be prepared for anything. We are working with our social worker to schedule a meeting with her next week and start to build a relationship.

I don't want to give out too many details before we meet with her. As soon as we know more we will share as much as is appropriate. For now, we can do a little happy dance quietly and discreetly while knocking on wood.